Want to write sales emails like a pro?
Kristina and Will look at common email mistakes (using real examples) and rewrite them so that you can learn what to do differently.
Join Kristina Finseth (Sr. Manager, Outbound Growth Marketing at Greenhouse) and Will Allred (Co-Founder & COO at Lavender) to get TWO perspectives and TWO approaches on real sales emails, every week on Sales Hacker.
Watch the re-write, and check out the before and after emails below!
Email sequence
Email 1
Subject: BIG EVENT 2022: Just a Few Sponsorships Available
Dear Kristina,
Have you ever wanted to help somebody but, didn’t know where to start? I ask this question because that’s where I find myself and I’m hoping you can assist me. I represent COMPANY‘s Brand and Demand Solutions Practice and I’m attempting to identify the appropriate person(s) in your marketing department to bring a very targeted opportunity to their attention. Out of respect for your time, I’m going to get right to the point.
In 2022, COMPANY will be hosting EVENT. These programs target the most senior-level executives responsible for customer care, call center, customer experience and customer operations. Companies sponsor our events because they seek tangible RoR (Return on Relationships) with executive-level decision makers. That’s what we deliver.
Based on our research I’ve done on your company, there are so many reasons why this program should be of interest, the most important of which is who will be participating and the pipeline that will come from it. In an effort to maximize the value of these interactive discussions, COMPANY has invited leaders from Financial Services, Healthcare, Travel & Hospitality, Retail, Information & Communication, Utilities and Government.
The program and the out-of-the-box networking activities will take place DATE in PLACE. I’d like to see if we can arrange for a brief call with one of my colleagues to determine if sponsorship is right. So, can you help me? Are you the right person to talk to? If you are not the right point of contact, any help you can provide pointing me in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.
If you are not the right point of contact, any help you can provide pointing me in the right direction would be greatly appreciated.
Best,
Email 2
Subject: Fw: Still Awaiting Your Reply: {BIG EVENT} 2022: Just a Few Sponsorships Available
Dear Kristina,
I’m reaching back out to you as I never heard back from you regarding the email below. The response to setting these meetings up has been strong so I’d like to make sure you are able to get on the schedule and connect with us at your convenience. Can you review the email below and reply back today with interest and availability
Thanks and I look forward to your reply.
Email 3
Subject: Fw: White Flag
Dear Kristina,
Morning. Hope all is well. I’ve been trying to reach you via email last week in an attempt to schedule an exploratory call with COMPANY (see details below). I sent two emails last week with no response. Should I wave the white flag? Are you and your company not interested in working with COMPANY’s brand and Demand Solutions Practice?
Your reply would be appreciated so that I can plan accordingly, either way.
Will’s Rewrite:
Email 1
Subject: {Event Name}
Hey Kristina – I was checking out the line up & sponsors for our upcoming event. I wanted to see if you’d be interested in sponsoring.
We have a senior leader from ADP speaking. But, we have a gap in sponsorship from major HR players like Greenhouse.
Something you’re open to?
Email 2
Subject: (reply to the same email)
Hey Kristina, is this something you’d be interested in?
The event is focused on customer experience experts. We get a surprising amount of engagement from folks in the HR world. Candidate experience is becoming a big convo.
Let me know!
Email 3
Subject: AGAIN… reply to the same email
Kristina, I’ve reached out a few times. Clearly my timing is off.
Since we’re seeing HR engagement, I thought sponsorship might be on the table.
Feel free to correct me if I was wrong, but I’m going to stop my outreach for now.
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